The New Age of Papyrus
by Evanesce
Summary: And here we have a story about the humorous, scandalous, romantic, and sometimes downright stupid electronic correspondences between our favorite characters. Read, enjoy, and review!
1. Surprise!

**Here it is. My first Mummy fanfiction. Well, I hope you people like it! It's not that great at first, but by inspiration gears are just starting to work again. Enjoy! (and review) :)**

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**From:** ikilledyourmummy(at)cairoxpress. com

**To: **mummykillerjr.(at)cairoxpress. com, bookworm(at)cairoxpress. com, johnathan(at)cairoxpress. com 

**Subject: **Surprise!

Hey O'Connell family! (and Jonathan…)

To celebrate my promotion at Cairo X-Press Adventures Inc., I want to treat everybody to a family vacation! Don't worry, this isn't another treasure hunting trip; instead, we're going to a super secret location somewhere in…(queue dramatic music) the world…oooh….

Ok, anyway, three clues: **1.** The name of the secret location (not specifying if it's a country or continent or river or vehicle or you get the point) begins with the letter A. Or C. Or even P. Maybe possibly S.; **2.** It is warm.; And **3.** Well, I can't think of anything else…so start packing!

-Rick

PS: Jonathan, dude, you really need a better e-mail address.

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**From:** bookworm(at)cairoxpress. com

**To:** ikilledyourmummy(at)cairoxpress. com

**Subject: **Oooooh! 

Rick, do you seriously have any idea how difficult it is to pack for a trip when you don't know where you're going? "Someplace warm…"

Seriously, what am I supposed to pack? A suitcase full of bikinis, mini-skirts, and teeny-bopper tanks? And will we need mosquito nets, and sunscreen, and tanning solution, and parasols, and oh my, the list goes on…

Don't expect any coffee tomorrow morning mister! I am officially not speaking to you, except via electronics, unless you tell me where we're going!

-Your wife

PS: and don't forget to fix the faucet, it's rather drippy.

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**From: **ikilledyourmummy(at)cairoxpress. com

**To:** bookworm(at)cairoxpress. com

**Subject:** Re: Oooooh!

Umm…well…we're not going to Egypt

PS: fixing the faucet is Jonathan's job. You know, drippy is as drippy does…

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**From:** mummykillerjr.(at)cairoxpress. com

**To: **ikilledyourmummy(at)cairoxpress. com

**Subject: **Re:Surprise!

Dad,

Ths is lyk, t0tly L33t! OMG!!! R we going 2 lyk, Wyoming? IDK, but that place s0unds HAWT!

TTYL, Alex

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**From: **xJonathanrocksyoursocksx(at)cairoxpress. com

**To: **ikilledyourmummy(at)cairoxpress. com

**Subject:** no subject

Is this better, old chap?

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**Well, I hoped you enjoyed this! Please feel free to leave a review on the way out!**


	2. Here there be Exposition!

**Wow, I'm quite happy with the amount of reviews I got on my first chapter. I would like to thank Headphoneangel, Nakhti, Megan Sleevewillow, Vivadove, vlasadiusdraculasbride312 (who shall henceforth be known as VDB), Joshua, OceanFae, and Lilah Winters for reviewing.**

**I would especially like to thank Nakhti for pointing out several areas of possible confusion in my writing. I hope that this chapter clarifies things. :) This is the last the of the "explanatory" chapters. After this, it will get funnier. I swear! **

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**From:** mummykillerjr.(at)cairoxpress. com

**To:** ikilledyoumummy(at)cairoxpress. com

**Subject:** Yo, Pr0blem heeya!

Yo Daddy-o! When is th1s vacay of ours g0ing 2 get on? Cuz u no i cant miss ne skool. Deez teechers is lyk, u is staying heeya mistr! So, plz get bak 2 me, sirrah!

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**From:** ikilledyourmummy(at)cairoxpress. com

**To:** mummykillerjr.(at)cairoxpress. com

**Subject:** Re: Yo, Pr0blem heeya!

Yo son! Howz about you stop typing like a moronic teenager, and you start writing like you appreciate the education your mother and I have paid for you to get.

So why don't you just resend me that e-mail in a language I can actually understand?

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**From:** mummykillerjr.(at)cairoxpress. com

**To:** ikilledyoumummy(at)cairoxpress. com

**Subject:** Dear father, I have a problem…

Dear father, when will we go on this said vacation? You know that I can't miss school. My teachers are quite obstinate about this fact. So can you please reply to me with our exact departure date? I won't hope for the secret of our intended vacation spot, but I can dream…

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**From:** bookworm(at)cairoxpress. com

**To:** ikilledyourmummy(at)cairoxpress. com

**Subject:** Ahem, Mr. O'Connell!

Rick,

I would very much enjoy it, dear husband, if you were to enlighten me as to when we may be leaving on this so-called non-treasure-seeking family vacation. As you will not inform your family as to where we are going, I will need to at least inform my subordinates at the university library as to the date of my departure. I wouldn't wish for the library to go into complete and utter chaos at my sudden and inexplicable disappearance.

-Evie

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**From:** ikilledyourmummy(at)cairoxpress. com

**To:** mummykillerjr.(at)cairoxpress. com, bookworm(at)cairoxpress. com, xJonathan-rocksx(at)cairoxpress. com

**Subject:** the moment you've all been waiting for!

No, I don't mean I'm going to tell you where we're going. But I will tell you when we're leaving. At the moment it is the middle of April. We'll leave at the end of June. So Evie, you'll have time to finish up work at the university, Alex, you can finish up at school, and Jonathan, you can do whatever you need to do. Like, maybe change your e-mail address.

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**From:** rottentothecore(at)gurgle. com

**To:** can'ttouchthis(at)sandbox. com

**Subject:** Surprise!

Hey honey! Guess what? I planned a vacation for us! We won't tell that meanie-weanie Pharaoh about this, right? And even better, I'm going to keep where we're going a surprise. So it will be even more romantic!

TTYL!

-Your snuggly-wuggly hunny-bear, Imhotep!

**Yes, this is it, the last boring chapter. Now head on over and review, it won't hurt you. The scarabs are just for show, I promise you. **


	3. Sunnyvale?

**Well, my friends, I'm trying to make this story easier to read. Tell me if you like the format! I'd like to thank my reviewers: Ethos, Nakhti, Lucky Fannah, Megan Sleevewillow, WhiteInnocence, Araminta18, and Mummy Fan. Your reviews are all greatly appreciated. In response to Nakhti, they are all e-mailing each other because they are all in various places, like work and school and such. Try not to imagine this story taking place in any particular time, ancient or modern. Probably more modern, with all sorts of essences of Mummy thrown in...

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From:** johnnyintheskywithdiamonds(at)flyingace. com

**To: **ikilledyourmummy(at)cairoxpress. com, bookworm(at)cairoxpress. com, mummykillerjr.(at)cairoxpress. com

**Subject: **new e-mail address

Hello chaps!

After several long months of ponderous thought, I have finally concocted a name for my new casino: The Flying Ace (of diamonds, of course)! I don't think I'll add that  
last bit, but isn't it clever? The flying ace, like in all of our adventures, and ace, like the card, and, well, I think…oh drat it, never mind…

Anyway old chaps, I have taken the opportunity to put up a jolly new website for my casino. First one of you fellows to sign up for an online gambling account gets

drinks on the house (except you, Alex; sorry old boy).

Tata for now,

-Jonathan

P.S. Rick, would you mind not making such a ruckus early in the morning when you're off to work? A fellow can't possibly sleep off a hangover with all that noise…

**

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****From: **theonlineexperience(at)deNile. com

**To: **talldarkandhandsome(at)gurgle. com

**Subject: **Purchase Receipt No. 231170

To our esteemed customer:

This purpose of this message is to verify that you purchased on Saturday April 11th:

-One (1) mysterious black robe, size medium

-Two (2) packs _Look like an Egyptian_ non-permanent tattoos

-Twenty-three (23) boxes of Hay's Not for Horse Treats (sand-flavored)

Your total purchase came to about eight-three (83) American dollars, but due to our freakishly low prices and your excessive coupon use, you owe two dollars,

ninety-seven cents (2.97).

Thank you for shopping at deNile. com. Have a nice day!

**

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**

**From:** theBoss(at)cairoxpress. com

**To: **ikilledyourmummy(at)cairoxpress. com

**Subject: **A spot of bad news…

Dear Mr. O'Connell,

I am sorry to inform you that I must call a quits to you family vacation to the A.A.S.S.P.C.M. (or the Absolutely Amazing Sunnyvale Spa at the Peak of Candy

Mountain). It seems that the spa doubles as an insane asylum and the headquarters of a crime ring of organ-thieves.

On the brighter side, as the president of Cairo X-Press Adventures Inc., I would be thrilled if you would instead take a nice trip to the Andes mountain range.

Actually, you have no choice. You're going. Just think: days of long hikes, thin oxygen, llamas eating ichu grass, and of course, the mummies! I just know how much

you love mummies!

I've already taken the liberty of arranging everything. The dates are still the same, so no need for new planning. Just pack your oxygen tanks and Winchester, and

you'll be ready to go.

Tootles!

President Mr. Boss Guy, M.D., PhD, ADD, OCD, HD-TV, NASCAR

**

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****From: **rottentothecore(at)gurgle. com

**To: **can'ttouchthis(at)sandbox. com

**Subject: **Bad News :(

Well, baby, it seems that my organ-thieving ring got busted. Can't trust those freakin' unicorns for nothing…

Anyway, I have to re-plan our super special vacation. Don't worry; I have a great place in mind! And the airline I'm looking claims that the overhead bins are roomy

enough to fit a coffin. Isn't that wonderful, snuggy-wuggums?

Luv ya lyk, I dunno…a luver…TTYL!

**

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****From: **guidanceoffice(at)sunnyvaleschool. edu

**To: **ikilledyourmummy(at)cairoxpress. com, bookworm(at)cairoxpress. com

**Subject: **3rd Quarter Markings for Alexander O'Connell

_April 18__th_

_Sunnyvale School for the Insanely Gifted_

_Somewhere in the Rocky Candy Mountains_

Dear Mr. and Mrs. O'Connell,

Here is the report card for the third quarter of your son Alexander's freshman year here at Sunnyvale School for the Insanely Gifted:

**World History, Advanced Placement**: 100 – _Alex is a hugely gifted student. His questions and comments make it seem as if he has experienced the wonders of the_

ancient world first hand.

**Symphonic Orchestra**: 92 – _Alex is very enjoyable to have in class, if only he would avoid trying to charm snakes and snake-like students with his clarinet. _

**Biology, Honors**: 85 – _Alexander does not seem to have much practical interest in the subject. His questions about the possibility of reanimating the dead are, in a word,_

preposterous.

**P.E. Class**: 100 – _Alex is one of the best students in the class, showing prowess in all manners of things, especially climbing, physical defense, and archery._

**Algebra, Honors**: 81 – _I am very disappointed with Alexander's performance in this class. If only he would stop doodling hieroglyphics and whatnot in his notebook, he_

might be doing better.

**Spanish**: 100 – _Ay caramba! What am I to do with a boy who speaks Ancient Egyptian perfectly?_

**Lunch**: _Alex seems to have a problem with sandwiches. I can't see why._

**English, Honors**: 100 – _Alexander excels in this class! His knowledge of literature and history is beyond anything I have seen for a boy his age. He has finally stopped_

writing in his "l33t speak," which I viewed as an expression of his individuality as a teenager.

We at Sunnyvale's hope that you are pleased with your son's report card. Have a lovely day!

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**New Text Message from:** Daddy-o

**Message: **Hey Alex! Gr8 report card!!

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**New Text Message from:** Alex

**Message: **When did u get texting? and u used chatspeak! LMAO! Poser!

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**New Automatic Message to be set for:** ikilledyourmummy(at)cairoxpress. com

**Frequency of Message: **Once a day until disabled

**Message: **Hmm…Sunnyvale School for the Insanely Gifted…try to remember why the name Sunnyvale sounds so familiar. Also, remember to buy allergy medicine. Evie  
has threatened to sleep in the downstairs library if I don't stop snoring. Other reminders: visit Jonathan's new casino, e-mail Ardeth, update blog…

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**Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed this chapter, I was rather proud of it. Feel free to leave a review! :)**


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